How to Be the Best Bridesmaid Ever

Someone’s getting married – hurrah! It’s either someone you know and love, or someone you’re related to, or (if you’re really lucky) both. You’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid, and you’re too polite to say no. We’ve all been there.

Being a bridesmaid can (and should) be very exciting, but there’s always the danger you’ll mess up the hen do, misplace the veil the night before the wedding or end up walking down the aisle in uncomfortable shoes. Here’s how to get through with your dignity (largely) intact.

This is no time to hold back – you might as well make the most of the opportunity to try on shoes you can’t afford and experiment with ballgowns.

Don’t argue with your fellow bridesmaids too much. This is about what the bride wants, and if she and another bridesmaid have agreed on pink satin, you’re not going to change their minds. Instead, make friends. If you don’t know the other bridesmaids well, start a WhatsApp group and dive in. You’re going to be spending a lot of time together. Over-use of emojis is encouraged (particularly the Prosecco one and the little church one).

She’ll be making small decisions all the time and you can’t expect her to keep you involved in every little thing. Ask questions and try to keep up to date, so the burden of keeping you informed doesn’t fall entirely on her.

Ask the bride what she wants (and who she wants to invite) and then do it. No ‘hilarious’ surprises – one day the tables will turn and it’ll be your hen do/birthday party/retirement dinner. Just be nice, and make sure the bride doesn’t end up with a need for revenge.

Potentially the most awkward part of the bridesmaid experience, but it’s best to tackle the subject of money head on. Offer to pay for your dress/shoes etc, and make sure everyone knows where they stand. If you do pay, you get a bit more say in what you’re spending your money on (and how much you spend). If not…

You want to look your best but this really is not about you. Repeat: This is not about you. Be fair and compromise if needed. If you don’t want to compromise – tough luck. Get over yourself.

New ones, preferably, but a pair you can walk in and dance in and spend a very, very long day in. If you’re wearing a long dress you’ll hardly even be able to see them. It may not be worth arguing about the dress, but stand firm on the shoes if you can.

If you’re happy to spend six month’s worth of weekends learning calligraphy to write the place settings and glueing ribbon to jam jars, that’s great. If you’re not – then don’t say you will.

For a couple of weeks before the wedding, the bride doesn’t need your creative input so much as she needs your logistical cooperation. Just relax and do as instructed. Do say things like: ‘That sounds great!’ Don’t say things like: ‘Erm, are you sure about that?’

Back away from the fizz until the bride has either gone to bed or won’t notice any more.

It doesn’t matter that you’ve been up since 6am harassing hairdressers and pressing veils – you cannot duck out of a wedding where you are a bridesmaid. You’re in this for the long haul.